Not letting go of me

I have been avoiding my emotions for days now. I don't know exactly what made me avoid them, but there is a rush going on at the moment. Understanding the depth of every feeling I am feeling isn't rational. I suppose.

All I really know is I have no friend to share this with. This is exactly why I am now writing it down than blabbering on a phone with a friend. Friends, what are they? I haven't had a real friend whom I can trust in my hour of need. Or you can say I am a pro in pushing people away. Or that I don't ask for help. Something might just fit in. People have been in my life, they stayed for some time and then things happened and I was back to having my own company. I don't really complain about it because I am trying to get even with this feeling. Rather, having fewer people in my life seems to be a blessing. I feel less crowded for a while and less drama is never bad.

I decided to write something, I don't really know how it will come out to be but here it is...

People asked me to make my family everything

But what happens to the toxic trails we follow?

Friendships are the roots of one's growth

What happens to the broken bonds that you have to swallow?

Relationships aren't easy

At times they become heavy

If only you have people understanding

your plight isn't about always being happy...

I am a horrible mess

scattered in bits and pieces, a little here and a little there

no one is free or willing to stay put,

relationships aren't easy to handle, yet you can't just call quits.

I am still here

waiting for my family to realise that I am not changing,

I always have their back even when they think they're bleeding.

I am never leaving them alone even though they end up hurting (me).

I am still here

hoping for a friend to be patient with me

I know I am a tough one to handle,

But isn't that what friendships are all about?

No romances I look for

No loved one or the Prince Charming I behold

All I seek is a friend- pure of heart,

All I seek is for my family to be a little more understanding.

I can see the clouds thunder

and the waves come smashing hard to the shore,

I will stay patient because at the moment,

I am all I have and I cannot let go of it.