Lately, I’ve been so confused. There’s been a lot happening, and I can’t put my finger on any one thing that stands out. My mind is hyperactive, racing through thoughts so fast that my only goal right now is to sleep peacefully at night. Ever since I moved out and then moved back in, a night of peaceful sleep feels like an unattainable dream.
But you know what? That’s okay. It doesn’t really matter. After all, isn’t your 20s the time when you’re supposed to struggle, slog, and figure things out before you finally settle down? Or at least, that’s what they tell us.
It’s annoying, isn’t it? How everyone assumes they know exactly how our lives will pan out. People throw predictions at me like they’ve read my life story, yet they don’t even know me. Honestly, it’s exhausting. And yes, I know what you’re thinking: "You shouldn’t let other people’s opinions define you." True. But let’s be real—it's not that easy to tune out their voices. At first, their words get to us. We let them shape our thoughts, even question our paths. But eventually, we rise out of it. It’s a process, one we’re bound to go through.
One of the reasons I feel far removed from happiness is this strange tendency to sabotage my own joy. I find myself thinking, "Do I even deserve this?" It’s absurd, isn’t it? How often do we hold ourselves back from pursuing something we want simply because we don’t think we’re worthy of it? The concept of living your life sounds great in theory, but is it truly real?
Writing is my anchor, the one thing that keeps me grounded. And honestly, I feel so far from sanity right now. This blog isn’t about offering advice or structure—it’s a glimpse into my mind, a way to process my thoughts and emotions. It’s my attempt to understand if I’m alone in feeling this way. I know many of you share your experiences with me, telling me how you feel the same. I cherish those moments deeply. If you ever want to talk, I’m here.
Moving back to Delhi from Chennai wasn’t easy. I left behind six months in a city that felt like a long vacation—a gift from the universe after 21 years of routine. It was like life wanted me to see what I was capable of. And I learned so much. I learned how often I waste time questioning myself. But I also discovered my ability to drive change, bring people together, and guide them. It’s all about intent.
What surprised me most was hearing how I had impacted others. People who had nothing in common came together, bonded, and grew. Each of them brought something unique to the table, and I felt a sense of purpose that was undeniably groundbreaking. It was wholesome. For the first time, I questioned why I had doubted myself for so many years. Isn't it just random magic that fills your life somehow?
I am stunned. You know, I have with myself some letters, which remind me of those changes. I appreciate how everyone felt seen around me. They mentioned how all this while in their lives, they were just doing what's supposed to be done. Never felt appreciated or acknowledged. But, around me they felt different. It is beautiful, so beautiful.
At home, though, things are different. I’m still made fun of, mocked for being someone who “just wants to be surrounded by people” or “can’t learn to be alone.” What they don’t understand is that being alone made me miserable. It made me purposeless. In Chennai, surrounded by people, I thrived. There was energy, a rush I can’t put into words. I don't expect my parents to understand this. I have come to realize that you get the vision, you understand your pursuit, others don't need to. As long as you are content in what you are doing, does anything else even matter?
And in that rush, I found my purpose. Now, all I need to do is find ways to put it in motion—to align my goals with the person I am becoming. Networking is the key to that, something I’ve realized only recently. Connecting with people, sharing ideas, and building relationships—it all adds up.
For now, I’m navigating this process, rediscovering myself, and figuring out how to move forward. It’s messy, sure. But isn’t that what life is? A constant state of becoming.
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