Love Shouldn't Hurt

I like to live on my own terms. It wasn't until today that I realised how I wasn't making decisions on my own. For the past 5 years, I was involved with a person who seemed to be one of a kind. Who I thought made me complete. But that wasn't it. I realised late but thank god I did- how it wasn't love but pure manipulation. It made me wonder how I am not the only one suffering such a plight. I decided to express my mind hoping that one of you might find peace in this reading.

I knew my heart belonged to you,

I never knew love until it was you,

the way you hugged me and kept me close

How you uttered those lovable words...

I knew not how things were turned

you said and I followed with an unknown burn

Life was feeling bright & somehow I ignored the dark side,

Something inside me did question me-

Is he really understanding me?

I mocked that question, making sure it was insane

I held my head high, singing his praises

all along the way.

I fought the battles forced my way

I took no turn but saved the day.

I made sure he felt fulfilled,

it isn't a tale but a quest of flowing pain.

I needed my mind to stop hurting

I needed him to only listen

It was too late, I guess...

I was blamed for his mess.

I was terrified of myself- thinking of the devil I became

No wonder, I hated myself all these years

While he sipped the tea of odd pleasure.

My torturous crying and acute screeching

was no help because he wasn't listening

I struggled alone fighting a demon inside me

Living life as a cadaver.

I slowly observed the bitterness in his sweet speech

How it never addressed me but who he wanted me to be

I was never enough, even after all the bloodshed.

I don't blame him for the pain caused to my mind and my heart

I don't blame myself, for it was this pain that made me meet me

I understood my needs, I understood my capability,

I know I am not a burden or someone's misery.

This bubble of fake love busted- better late than never

I now see myself in the mirror

I do hold scars, I do have unresolved trauma

But, I am not blaming him.

I am just walking on the path of self-discovery

Making sure to never let myself down.

In this world of hidden problems,

I will be my own solution.