That being said, I definitely find mine complicated. For once, I would really like to know WHY IS IT SO? And, why does it impact me too deeply?
In a world where we all suddenly switched from a social-based living to a quartine lifestyle, things messed up. A lot of us never really mingled well with our family. It was quite a change to be with them all day long. Honestly, I was uncomfortable in the beginning. The journey was interesting though.
Hoping to learn from our self-driven desires and needs, only we truly know what we need and what we aim for. Family support is essential in everyone's life. Some grow without it, some grow with it, and some grow with a complicated bit. The family that has a major impact on our life is mainly our mom, dad, siblings, and grandparents. You ask me why so? Because we spend most of our developing years around them. Mostly.
For me, it has been conflicting. I have a mother who is strong, powerful, smart, and talented. Not that my father is any less, but their views on life and morals are very different. Being told stories of great wisdom and wit as a child, I was keen since then to explore the mythological secrets of India, and know about the moral values by reading Amar Chitra Kathas and Panchatantras.
My dad encouraged me to read and read and read. Read about how the world was formed, how the computer was invented, how animals grow, how stars shine, and whatnot. Not respecting the art of learning as a child, I was driven toward comics, fantasies, and fiction. Things that weren't real. Things that helped me grow my imagination, helping me switch from this world to that world.
I felt as if I had led my father down because I did not exactly follow his instructions. Little did I know, that wouldn't be the only time I would disappoint him.
Oh well, my mother, the charming one. She is my go-to partner. My buddy, huh. It wasn't like this though. The complicated bit was that as a teenager, I used to dislike her. I was unable to stand next to her because I would just prefer to be alone.
Yeah, I was that 'bad' kid. She would run behind me, asking me to grow in sports. She would wake me up and take me to my skating lessons, and swimming lessons. She made me learn piano and put me in an art class. She really hoped I would be a master. Look what I turned out to be! Oopsie. Jokes apart, she really devoted her life to my growth. I regret not being anything but a pain in her ass.
I did bring some laurels to my school when it came to swimming. I did participate in nationals once, but lost, Duh! My childhood with my mom was a mixture of anger, love, faith, hope, trust, and friendship. Most important- friendship.
Why have I called the family a complicated companion?
All of that, that I said above looks and sounds good to read. But, I believe that as we grow older, things start to be different.
We have had conversations where I was always wrong. Where, my relentless efforts were useless and all I was, was a child that failed her parents. Why failed? Because I did not live up to society's standards.
With everything sweet, comes something bitter. Not that I don't love them all, I do! I love them dearly. But, I was heartbroken when I tried talking to them and they laughed it off as if my problems weren't problems. As if a child is not allowed to feel broken, to feel hurt, to feel alone.
Statistically speaking, in this generation, we have issues that were minimal before. Where was I supposed to go for answers when my life seemed to be breaking apart? Being pushed away and not being heard made me grow with a lot of mental issues.
Family is that companion that you don't choose and you can't change. You've to live with it no matter what. 'It is what it is...'
I had a complicated past with them. I can see how those past incidents impact my life today. I want to look after them, be with them but a part inside me will always be lost. This, cannot be changed. And so, family indeed is a complicated companion.
"Family is supposed to be our safe place. Often, it is a place where we find our deepest heartaches"