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A New Surprise

My life is taking a drastic turn and I have no idea how to move forward. I don't know what to do. There are moments when I want to run away from reality and soak myself in the depths of the past, a past that was comforting. I am so scared of what lies in front of me. Very scared. The fact that I am even thinking about making such harsh decisions that might impact the rest of my life is nerve-wracking.

By the way, I went for a swim today, almost after a year. It felt great. I have always been conscious of my body- how I look, what will people think, etc etc. But today, I was like f**k it. It is my life and I get to do what makes me happy. I did it. I am super proud of myself.

Well, coming back to the topic- drastic life changes. I am super nervous. I am shifting all the way to another part of my country. I will be moving out of my parent's house. This all creates a feeling of unrest in my heart. I have no idea what the future holds next for me. I am excited and nervous to know.

After losing all the people that mattered to me once upon a time, I don't know with whom I can share this big news. I do feel lost if I am being honest. Removing myself from the puddle of my past and moving forward to a completely new picture is bothering me like crazy. I have always been told that comfort zone is your dream killer, you have to step out of it. But no one ever told me that the process of breaking through in itself can be ambiguous.

I need to move by July. With each passing day, I feel disoriented and disconnected. I am emotional about leaving my parents behind, leaving my whole life behind. Maybe it is a punishment for a big dream, a big life. There is no certainty that my dreams will become a reality, but all I can do is work for them and leave the result in the hands of God.

So, that's what I am going to do.

Waheguru Ji Meher

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